I'm really into asian looking animals
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
