you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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