Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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