Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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