Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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