Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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