So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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