I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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