So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize