you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
