Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
