that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
