I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
