Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
