The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
