Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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