He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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