last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
