this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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