Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
