also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
