The maid of honor just puked.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
