halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize