I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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