did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
