the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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