Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
