when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
