i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What drink are we having for lunch?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize