I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
