accomplished twins. life is a go
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
