JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
