I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
