Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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