I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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