Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
