I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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