Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
