I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
