Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize