So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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