dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
