Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
