There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
