I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
