he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
