I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
