Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
