I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
