Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
