Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
