i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
