that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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