My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
