She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
