Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sext me about skeletons
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
