He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
