maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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