I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
