Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
