Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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