so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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