he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
