Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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