Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
