i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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