they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the day after is always just damage control
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
