So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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