You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
