just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
