party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just threw up on my dentist
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
