My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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