maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
