i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
