Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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