I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
