a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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