Jerry, you need to find god
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
