dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
