It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
