So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
