if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
