I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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