your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
