Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
