Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
