Do vagina's smell?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
