I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
