please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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